Lollipop Cock ~ Doc Johnston Classic 8 Inch Vac-U-Lock Dildo

I mentioned in my review of the Doc Johnston Vac-U-Lock harness that I'd get back to the juicy details of my sexy Mister Potato-Head's accessories, and, while I'm slow as fuck, I'm not a liar.  So here we go: Doc Johnston's Classic 8 Inch Vac-U-Lock Dildo.

poke poke!

Myself and the fella were looking for something simple as a starter set, but that was quality enough to not need us to go buying new ones after the first session. The decision process was not helped by my indecisiveness over the whole realistic issue: we were both keen on it being 'my cock', but many of the supposedly realistic ones are rather, well, pruney! Having settled on a no-balls version, this was pretty much the only decent option, and thus the decision-making was escaped yet again. I was still not sold on it, mainly due to the pink-a-rama head on it, but another review mentioned that it wasn't quite so hideously coloured as the picture shows, so we decided to give it a shot.

The dildo is indeed a lot less hideous in the (almost) flesh. It's not exactly true to life, but I don't get the feeling of there being some kind of Rudolf nose on the end of it. The veins are quite pronounced, as is the head, but while the textures are quite noticeable, the squidginess of it means it's not not going to rip out someone who's a little sensitive. I do think it'd be a bit much for someone who prefers slimline toys, but myself and the boy can take it in any of our three cumulative holes without a problem, so it isn't exactly size-queen land. And, despite the swollen head and engorged veins, it's the same girth all the way down the shaft, so taking a couple of inches or the whole thing makes little difference, making the length not quite so intimidating.

Boob's-Eye View

Tantus Alumina Motion Dildo

With eyes bigger than my wallet, I had been lusting after some of the more interesting metal dildos for quite some time, so when the Tantus Alumina range went into the Love Honey Summer Sale for a piddling £25, I could not believe my luck. The rather pointed-looking Motion did look intimidating to someone so limited in metal dildo experience - try putting that on your CV! - especially since it wasn't shown as clearly on the video as the others in the range, but I'm glad I took the risk.

When it arrived (next day again, still cannot get over the amazing delivery service) I was surprised at how neat it was. The box was very classy, black with silver details, and minimalistic, with just enough space inside for the dildo to snuggle up in the foam bedding. It's small enough that it'll fit anywhere, sturdy enough to last as long as you aren't planning on stomping on it on a regular basis, and provides a very elegant home to keep the dildo clean and safe.

I knew it would be lighter than steel (but heavier than the usual silicone-rubber-plastic), but I was pleasantly surprised at the weight in this: it's quite heavy, and while it is a good deal more lightweight than a solid steel dildo, I wouldn't like to be bopped on the head with it. Even holding it in my hands, I could feel a significant heftiness, and the same went for holding it elsewhere. It's a good weight if you want a step up from glass, or, like me, are awaiting the Money Fairy before getting some substantial steel in your box of tricks.

Being an awkward sod, I have a dislike of too much pink, so I tend to end up with black, or some crazy luminous colour. Seriously, looking in my toy box is a stroke risk, it's like a clown exploded. So, while I do love the look of the classic silver steel, this shade of opulent purple was something I could get along well with, and not feel embarrassed by my tacky taste. In the flesh - so to speak - it's very sleek, shiny, and rich in colour, with an almost satin-style finish. When wet, the colour comes alive, looking even richer and deeper than when dry. I couldn't find a flaw in the perfectly smooth finish, and even tried scratching at it (I have a horror of a toy's coating flaking off, not that I'm paranoid or anything) and couldn't make even the slightest mark: it's flawless, and tough as, well, anodised aluminium.

I will admit, I wasn't too keen on the divider ring, as it does stick out quite prominently. I'd have preferred if it could have been slimmer so as not to interrupt the flow of the toy. However, it's not exactly massive, or abrasive, so it didn't really spoil the overall experience. Mostly it's a visual issue, and I guess isn't as important when it provides the option of interchanging with others in the range.

For temperature play, it's deliciously cool even left lying in its box, and if that's not your thing, it absorbed warmth so quickly that I could pick and choose without much preparation time: a quick dunk in the bath, and it was good to go (bit like m'self!).

As to using it, I mentioned that the pointiness had worried me slightly, and that increased when I had it in front of me. The tip is very pointed - I actually sat on it unintentionally once and got a nasty jab - but it isn't sharp, so there's nothing to really worry about as long as you remember where you've put it down. Even jabbing myself with it, it wasn't really painful, just rather... insistent and surprising. The waves are also quite pronounced. However, my apprehension quickly turned to ecstasy as I realised the pointed ends made insertion quick and easy, and the ripples were reminiscent of the stretch-pop-stretch-pop of a perfectly shaped plug or balls, but with the ease of use of a dildo. Not only was it not as scary as I'd imagined, it was comfortable and thrilling, combining the best of some of my favourite toys. If I want a straight-forward G-spot stimulation, I can rub the larger head on my sweet spot while the bulbous shaft keeps me feeling filled and stimulated; if I want anal play, I can use the smaller end like a rippled probe; if I want some external stimulation, I can use those no-longer-terrifying pointy ends to provide precision pleasure. Honestly, it's completely versatile, suitable for anything your randy little heart desires, and it delivers in full.