Classy Glassy ~ Sasha Grey Glass Butt Plug

Wow, it's good to be back!  Apologies for the unannounced holiday, my internet has been rather naughty and was not quite so keen to submit to my glowering as other bratty types.  But I am back, and have a rather luverly item to talk about: the Doc Johnson Sasha Grey Glass Butt Plug in medium!

Swanky, no?  When Lovehoney first got this range in, I was dying to pick one up, but being the cash-strapped Babe that I am, I had to sit in lusty silence until I was lucky enough to have one wing its way to my doorstep.

Sexy Shinies! ~ NippleCharms Nipple Embracers

I'm a klutz.  I've always fancied body piercing, but given my skill at breaking myself without any sharp implements in range, I'd wind up being that person who gets a piercing ripped out.  So, my lust for standard body jewelry denied, I was intrigued when I spotted a picture on FetLife a few years ago of someone who had no-pierce shields that were every bit as pretty.  But, foiled again, I could only find them at horrific prices, or sold by people who thought that shipping from the US to the UK should cost three times as much as the product did.  Curses and such!  Then, the lovely TruePleasures hosted a competition to win a pair of Claddagh-style embracers, but had to be restricted to US only.  However, she'd included some links to the NippleCharms site, and after having a browse around, I spotted that their prices were reasonable, and not only that, but so was their international shipping rates!  Bingo!

I managed to resist for...ooh, about three hours.  And then proceeded to torment the postie for the next week and a half, because not that I don't trust USPS, but their tracking is a bit hit and miss.  As in it still says it's in JFK.  Oh well!  They did actually arrive within the estimated time, and bonus of no customs to pay (I was lying awake at night worrying if that'd balls it up).

Pair, boxed.

Depending on the design you choose, they may come singularly or as a pair, so be sure to keep an eye out for that.  The heart-patterned crystal-set embracers I chose were solos, so I ordered two to make the set.  The packaging was fairly simple, just a plastic blister box with a card backing and the jewelry loose inside, but with a cute cream net storage pouch and a card included in the envelope.  Despite appearing so delicate, and being fragile enough that there's a warning on the box backing about stretching them, the pieces aren't so fragile as to be at risk from being loose within the plastic box, especially as they were well cushioned in the bubble-wrap of the envelope.

Alo, Ola! ~ Minna Ola Review

Ever had that moment where you want a pattern to speed up or slow down, get harder or be a little more gentle, so you cycle it through a bit and find that nope! next setting is too little/much?  And, frustrated, you dither between the two closest until you settle on the least 'wrong' and try to suppress that urge to yell at the toy manufacturer for not being psychic enough to anticipate this exact level of need?  Only me then?  Clearly not, since that's exactly the problem the Minna Ola seeks to address!  Now, aside from my rather unreasonably high expectations of toys at times, it appealed to me as a gadget geek precisely because of the utterly unique feature that the whole shebang is centred around: user-controlled patterns and speeds.  Literally programming in your own pattern, or just 'free-handing' and letting your touch dictate the pace of things.  Pretty nifty!  However, that's a lot of hype to live up to, and when you get right down to it, the entire performance is reliant on that sole feature living up to expectations.  That's a tough gamble at one-two-oh a pop

                                  .

Piggy for Porking ~ J&D's Baconlube

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Randy Reading #4: Teasing The Devil

My first review of an Xcite book, and the first in my Randy Reading focus to be a full-length novel, Teasing The Devil by Monica Bell is a rather clever little tale of supernatural horror that could still just be shadows and an easily-influenced imagination.

There is a hint of the wicked about Julian d'Alveda, 

a darkness that fascinates pretty student Chloe Anthony.  

Keen to learn more about his scandalous activities, she joins him 

at Candle Street Hall in Norfolk, a house with a reputation darker still.  

Once there, she quickly finds herself drawn 

like a moth to a flame, first as his lover, then more deeply 

as the full scope of his strange obsessions and desires become clear.

Randy Reading #3: Enchanted: Erotic Fairy Tales

After last week's short story double-up, I thought it was time to look at something of a gateway-book to the more lengthy novels.  This one I picked up a couple of years ago, back when I was still getting to grips with erotic literature myself, and I found it much more fulfilling than some of the shorter Black Lace collections, as well as being slightly more in tune with my own draw to the paranormal-slash-supernatural style of fiction.  Black Lace's Enchanted: Erotic Fairy Tales is a trilogy of not-so-short stories focusing on the concept of adult fairy tales.  Now, as I mentioned in Randy Reading #1, I find Black Lace stories to be a little too eager to find the happy ending and have every couple ride into the sunset (take that how you wish!).  That failing is probably exactly why I find these stories to work so well: that fairy tale mentality is exactly what's needed in a genuine fairy tale.

Be Careful What You Wish For.

Three writers from the best of Black Lace 

show there's nothing 

childish about fairy tales.

The three pieces, spanning 272 pages in all, are each long enough to explore their own tale, but not so long as to forbid getting distracted lest you lose the thread of the narrative.  There was overall enough plot and character development to prevent me getting testy about lazy writing as I'm prone to with the shorter BL stories, whilst still keeping things brief.

Randy Reading #2: Yes, Ma'am - Erotic Stories of Male Submission

Following on from my review of the newbie-friendly collection of short stories, Black Lace Quickies 6, I thought I'd explore a collection that I personally found more appealing: Yes, Ma'am - Erotic Tales of Male Submission.  I do enjoy short stories, not least because, once something whets my literary appetite, I find it impossible to do anything until I've devoured the book whole, and short stories allow me to live a normal life despite how good they are.  Why, just the other night I stayed up until 5am to finish a novel, when I then had to get up two hours later.  Not fun.  So, yes, short stories are a thumbs up as a format.  I do also like a bit of spice to my erotic fiction, preferably either a bit of kink or the supernatural (or both), depending on my mood.

But, not all short story collections have the same umph.  Yes, Ma'am is published by the impressively elegant Cleis Press, who, to me, stand out even just by their Twitter bio as a company who try to keep a bit of class in with the ass.

Cleis Press publishes provocative, 

intelligent books in the areas of sexuality, 

gay and lesbian studies, erotica, fiction, 

gender studies, and human rights.

Sounds exactly like the kind of attitude I can get behind!  Intelligent and sexy is pretty much the best combo I can think of.  Add that to how well-received the counterpart to this anthology - Yes, Sir - Erotic Tales of Female Submission - I had rather high expectations of Yes, Ma'am.

"No" is not an option...

Randy Reading #1: Black Lace Quickies 6

"Inaugurated in July 1993, Black Lace has emerged as the leading imprint 

of erotic fiction for women, selling over four million books worldwide. 

It has without question been an enormous success, 

 and the success looks set to continue. 

In publishing a series of attractive, strongly branded books aimed at women, 

we have created a new genre."

Whether or not you agree with how big an impact Black Lace have had on the erotic fiction market, they certainly are a household name (depending on your household, clearly!).  Even though they've taken a back seat in the past year, with their publishing house, Virgin Books, making the decision to focus more on their non-fiction texts, the vast BL catalog means most, if not all, erotic literature stockists will still carry a decent selection.

The main selling point of Black Lace books is that they're 100% written by women, for women.  This probably links closely into why, in all the books I've read, the stories have to resolve with some form of fairytale ending.  I know that many women can write without resorting to such clichés, but I get the impression that Black Lace specifically seek those whose writing leans more towards the fluffy hetero-normative fantasy. Now, personally, while I can handle a happy ending with the best of them, I rail against one being shoehorned in against all logic simply to satisfy some publication guidelines.  Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed many BL books, and some I actually see as having some literary value.  But, overall, I've seen too many of their stories as designed purely for someone who is unsure as to what they like, and wants a story that cares more about delivering an evocative, yet mild-mannered, sex scene than about finding the next The Canterbury Tales.

The book I've chosen to be the first in this series of reviews is exactly that: it is lightweight and accessible, but relatively insubstantial.  As someone who is confident of what she does and does not enjoy in a piece of porny prose, and is a little of a literary snob, it didn't do all that much for me, but I can see that I am clearly not it's target audience, and since I know many people who might be out there in internet-land browsing around fit perfectly into that category - new to erotic literature, not willing to spend a lot on something they may not like - I thought it would be a good jumping-off point.  So, let us jump off and have a peek at Black Lace Quickies 6.

Simple Elegance ~ Fun Factory's G4 Elegance

If there's one thing that makes me happy, it's pretty toys that come in colours other than pink. And if there's two things, it's pretty toys that come in colours other than pink and leave me a quivvering heap. And if there's three things, it's pretty toys that come in colours other than pink and leave me a quivvering heap, made by people who genuinely care about providing the best and most innovative products they can whilst also being as eco-conscious and health-conscious as possible. Drumroll please, here comes the G4 Elegance from Fun Factory, and me with a great, sloppy grin.


All things should be waterproof!

I Vant To Svank Your Bum! ~ Kinklab Leather Vampire Gloves

In my innocence, I'd never heard of vampire gloves before another chicky offered up a pair she'd gotten by mistake for swapsies.  I'm not sure if I'd had taken the risk on the price - £35 at LoveHoney - had I just stumbled upon them, so I really am thankful that her misfortune le to me getting a pair on the cheap.  After doing a bit of research, they appeared to be quite popular, possibly because they are pretty simple to use and can work for both light sensation play and for causing actual pain, depending on how you wield them.  And so I came to be the proud owner of a small pair of Kinklab Leather Vampire Gloves.

I have pretty small hands so, shockingly, the Small were almost perfect; they were slightly larger than your standard small-sized leather gloves, so my stubby fingers leave them slightly unfilled in the finger tips.  Definitely do not be tempted to go up a size, unless you're planning on wearing them over other gloves.

Hidily ho! Not quite second skin, but comfy.

Lollipop Cock ~ Doc Johnston Classic 8 Inch Vac-U-Lock Dildo

I mentioned in my review of the Doc Johnston Vac-U-Lock harness that I'd get back to the juicy details of my sexy Mister Potato-Head's accessories, and, while I'm slow as fuck, I'm not a liar.  So here we go: Doc Johnston's Classic 8 Inch Vac-U-Lock Dildo.

poke poke!

Myself and the fella were looking for something simple as a starter set, but that was quality enough to not need us to go buying new ones after the first session. The decision process was not helped by my indecisiveness over the whole realistic issue: we were both keen on it being 'my cock', but many of the supposedly realistic ones are rather, well, pruney! Having settled on a no-balls version, this was pretty much the only decent option, and thus the decision-making was escaped yet again. I was still not sold on it, mainly due to the pink-a-rama head on it, but another review mentioned that it wasn't quite so hideously coloured as the picture shows, so we decided to give it a shot.

The dildo is indeed a lot less hideous in the (almost) flesh. It's not exactly true to life, but I don't get the feeling of there being some kind of Rudolf nose on the end of it. The veins are quite pronounced, as is the head, but while the textures are quite noticeable, the squidginess of it means it's not not going to rip out someone who's a little sensitive. I do think it'd be a bit much for someone who prefers slimline toys, but myself and the boy can take it in any of our three cumulative holes without a problem, so it isn't exactly size-queen land. And, despite the swollen head and engorged veins, it's the same girth all the way down the shaft, so taking a couple of inches or the whole thing makes little difference, making the length not quite so intimidating.

Boob's-Eye View

Love Shock, Baby ~ Kinklab Neon Wand

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New Cock on the Block: Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Leather Ultra Harness 3000

I've always been a big fan of being on the receiving end of anal play, but having not had a partner comfortable enough to turn things about, I was exceptionally interested when my new partner mentioned he'd had a little experience in being pegged. However, being the kind of person who over thinks what they'll put in a sandwich, I was big on examining every aspect before trying anything. I'm sure he must have been so sick of me looking at the minutia of every possible harness and dildo combination, but he bore me well, bless him. The main deciding factor in the end for us was that we both adore leather, and with the higher end leather harnesses out of our budget range, we were limited to this and a handful of o-ring style harnesses, all of which looked a little on the cheap side. I was concerned about being limited to the Vac-U-Lock range of dildos, seeing as they are rather limited, but when we found two options we were both happy with, we decided to go for this rather than shell out for something that seemed uncomfortable or just looked a bit tatty.



Packaging

I must say, I'm impressed by Doc Johnson's packaging style. All too often, the more kinkier items either come in rather graphic and cringe-worthy boxes, or in horrifically wasteful packaging that seems to take the 'so large and excessive no one could ever guess' style of discretion. We found a small cardboard (recyclable, yay!) box in muted yellow tones, with a picture of the product - devoid of porny model - on the front, and a another on the back as a diagram listing the various features. Would be obvious within seconds to any nosey type who picked it up, but it doesn't scream SEX TOY!! across the room. Very tasteful. Inside, there was a small plastic bag containing the attachment plug, a very thoughtful leaflet depicting the various dildos and accessories for the harness, the harness itself folded neatly, and a leather extension strap to allow it to accommodate a wider range of sizes. All neat and well thought through, with minimal waste, very impressive.

 

The Practicalities 

Vac-U-Lock Leather Ultra Harness 3000

First thing we had to do was attach the plug to the harness. It's only four poppers, but they are perfectly sized, so the final popper can be rather stiff. Once the harness had seen some action, I could manage it with minimal fuss, but the first time, the fella had to step in and do the manly thing. After that, sizing it is a simple enough process. There's three basic buckles: one on each hip, and one at the back where the thong meets the waistband. The extension strap could be added at any of these points if needed. I could reach all the buckles easily while wearing it myself, and they're very well designed, all rounded edges, small and secure, but easy to open and work with. The speed control holster slips freely along when pushed, so that can be positioned either as needed, or wherever it won't get in the way. I've not used it, but aside from giving it a whoosh about when putting the harness on, I forget it's even there, so there's no concerns with it irritating you. A little lube in the 'socket' of your dildo of choice makes them a breeze to get on and off. I did once struggle a little when I managed to trap an air pocket in one so it didn't want to secure properly, but it was easy sorted, and other than that they literally do just pop on and off like a rather more fun Mister Potato Head. Yet I've not once felt one slip even a smidge, so they definitely are locked securely in place.



Tantus Alumina Motion Dildo

With eyes bigger than my wallet, I had been lusting after some of the more interesting metal dildos for quite some time, so when the Tantus Alumina range went into the Love Honey Summer Sale for a piddling £25, I could not believe my luck. The rather pointed-looking Motion did look intimidating to someone so limited in metal dildo experience - try putting that on your CV! - especially since it wasn't shown as clearly on the video as the others in the range, but I'm glad I took the risk.

When it arrived (next day again, still cannot get over the amazing delivery service) I was surprised at how neat it was. The box was very classy, black with silver details, and minimalistic, with just enough space inside for the dildo to snuggle up in the foam bedding. It's small enough that it'll fit anywhere, sturdy enough to last as long as you aren't planning on stomping on it on a regular basis, and provides a very elegant home to keep the dildo clean and safe.

I knew it would be lighter than steel (but heavier than the usual silicone-rubber-plastic), but I was pleasantly surprised at the weight in this: it's quite heavy, and while it is a good deal more lightweight than a solid steel dildo, I wouldn't like to be bopped on the head with it. Even holding it in my hands, I could feel a significant heftiness, and the same went for holding it elsewhere. It's a good weight if you want a step up from glass, or, like me, are awaiting the Money Fairy before getting some substantial steel in your box of tricks.

Being an awkward sod, I have a dislike of too much pink, so I tend to end up with black, or some crazy luminous colour. Seriously, looking in my toy box is a stroke risk, it's like a clown exploded. So, while I do love the look of the classic silver steel, this shade of opulent purple was something I could get along well with, and not feel embarrassed by my tacky taste. In the flesh - so to speak - it's very sleek, shiny, and rich in colour, with an almost satin-style finish. When wet, the colour comes alive, looking even richer and deeper than when dry. I couldn't find a flaw in the perfectly smooth finish, and even tried scratching at it (I have a horror of a toy's coating flaking off, not that I'm paranoid or anything) and couldn't make even the slightest mark: it's flawless, and tough as, well, anodised aluminium.

I will admit, I wasn't too keen on the divider ring, as it does stick out quite prominently. I'd have preferred if it could have been slimmer so as not to interrupt the flow of the toy. However, it's not exactly massive, or abrasive, so it didn't really spoil the overall experience. Mostly it's a visual issue, and I guess isn't as important when it provides the option of interchanging with others in the range.

For temperature play, it's deliciously cool even left lying in its box, and if that's not your thing, it absorbed warmth so quickly that I could pick and choose without much preparation time: a quick dunk in the bath, and it was good to go (bit like m'self!).

As to using it, I mentioned that the pointiness had worried me slightly, and that increased when I had it in front of me. The tip is very pointed - I actually sat on it unintentionally once and got a nasty jab - but it isn't sharp, so there's nothing to really worry about as long as you remember where you've put it down. Even jabbing myself with it, it wasn't really painful, just rather... insistent and surprising. The waves are also quite pronounced. However, my apprehension quickly turned to ecstasy as I realised the pointed ends made insertion quick and easy, and the ripples were reminiscent of the stretch-pop-stretch-pop of a perfectly shaped plug or balls, but with the ease of use of a dildo. Not only was it not as scary as I'd imagined, it was comfortable and thrilling, combining the best of some of my favourite toys. If I want a straight-forward G-spot stimulation, I can rub the larger head on my sweet spot while the bulbous shaft keeps me feeling filled and stimulated; if I want anal play, I can use the smaller end like a rippled probe; if I want some external stimulation, I can use those no-longer-terrifying pointy ends to provide precision pleasure. Honestly, it's completely versatile, suitable for anything your randy little heart desires, and it delivers in full.